ARLINGTON, Texas - "We're just such simple creatures."
That's John Tolkin on life, and he spends plenty of time backing up his point. He speaks openly about his love for the comforts of home: days on the Jersey shore, a sunset drive through town, a Sunday with no plans, the relationship between a man and his barber.
In quiet moments, he thinks about how life can be simplified even more. He told GOAL years ago that he often dreams of a life without social media, without pressure, without electricity even. Inevitably, life snaps him back to reality.
"Sometimes I do wonder still," he says with a smile during a sit-down with GOAL. "'What if I just retire today, go down to the Caribbean and just chill?' I could open up a tiki bar or a snorkeling business. It's tempting, yeah, but that's just my personality. I love that kind of stuff. Obviously, though, I love playing, too. There's such a competitive side to me. And that side is..."
He laughs, and then his voice drifts off. That side of himself is the one driving everything now. It's the one that convinced him to pack up, leave the simple comforts of New Jersey behind and change his life forever. It's the side of himself that is helping him recognize, too, that life isn't quite as simple as he realized - and maybe he isn't either.
The last year or so has been a whirlwind: a chance to play at the Olympics, an MLS Cup final, an international transfer to Holstein Kiel and, now, featuring in the Gold Cup with the U.S. men's national team. Those have been the fun parts, and they've changed his life forever.
The not-so-fun parts? Those have changed him even more. His social media controversy last year was a turning point. So, too, was relegation with Kiel. They helped show him how quickly things can change and how gloriously complicated life can be.
Since he arrived on the scene as a teenage New York Red Bulls homegrown, Tolkin has promised to be authentically himself. He continues to be. It's just that, now at 22, Tolkin's life has changed. He has, too.
"I'm a different person than I was even a month ago," he says. "I don't want to call what's happened a blessing in disguise, but it's been a great character development tool. I don't want to say it's all been great what's happened, but it all makes you really look at things. I know in my heart I'm a good person. I don't need to fake it. I'm going to show people I am. Hopefully, that's something I can achieve."
Right now, nothing is certain. Following Kiel's relegation, Tolkin isn't sure what's next on the club level. A World Cup is a year away, and he's one of many in this USMNT group fighting for a spot while contending for this Gold Cup.
And he knows that there's still work to do on himself as a person, as he looks to show everyone who he really is.
